Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sometimes, the Most Important Question is "Why?"

Sometimes, people do crazy, stupid things. Often, there is a plausible excuse for acting poorly. Sometimes not.

But, if you are going to act out, it seems like there should be a really good reason. Maybe you need cash to feed your hungry kids or your crime is a political protest. Maybe you are just addle-brained by some psychoactive force like testosterone or alcohol. Whatever, just have something to say at the sentencing. Otherwise, you will look foolish.

Now, explain this crime to me. Some guy in a Chevy pickup truck tried to smuggle two wallabies out of Texas into Mexico. This is a crime under the Convention on the International Trade in Endangered Species. But, so what? I want to know who ordered up the wallabies. Were they going to be dinner for some eccentric Mexican? Perhaps wallaby mole with ancho peppers and pomegranate seeds. Were they going to become pets for the Mexican equivalent of the King of Pop? Are wallaby fights eclipsing cock fights as back-alley entertainment in Tijuana?

And where did they come from? Is there a clandestine ring of wallaby breeders in Texas? I picture a ranch, perhaps in Crawford, with a frequently absent owner and just enough cattle to look legit but actually profiting from the forced breeding of wallabies for the growing Mexican black market.

We may be seeing only the tip of the iceberg. Who knows how many other examples of Australian fauna might be at risk in Texas? Perhaps wallabies are a gateway to illegal kangaroo breeding. Next thing we know, angry fighting koalas might be loose in Nuevo Laredo or poisonous platypuses might invade the swamps of Houston.

I demand a full congressional investigation.

Read this for more news featuring angry koalas.

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