My alternative is the basement criterium. I prop my bike up in a trainer not as nice as this one, and then ride for a while. As you might imagine, riding to nowhere in the basement can be painfully boring leaving my mind to wander where it should not. So, if you are similarly afflicted, here are things to do to keep you going for a couple hours:
- Watch movies involving cycling such as The Bicycle Thief (little actual riding), Quicksilver (crazy messenger riding), Breaking Away (a great movie), The Triplets of Belleville (a surreal French cartoon about a Tour racer literally trapped on a trainer), and the best of the bunch A Sunday in Hell (about the 1976 Paris to Roubaix road-mud-cobblestone race).
- Plot various schemes to take over your personal corner of the world.
- Fill your MP3 player with music from The Bicycle Men.
- Swear at Troy Jacobson while following (or trying to follow) his Spinerval videos. These are hardcore spinning classes designed for cyclists much more fit than me. The workouts have names like "Sweating Buckets," "Suffer-O-Rama," "Have Mercy," and "Tough Love." I have three of these and can only finish one. The other two reduce me to a sweating, heaving, unintelligible heap.
Customs has been quiet for a while. I promise substantive content to follow.
Yes, I know, I forgot the unforgettable Pee Wee's Big Adventure.